Let’s be honest here…

OK, here’s the big, bad, taboo truth:  Sometimes being a stay-at-home mom bores me to tears.  Boring with a capital B.  Not all the time, not every day… it comes and goes.  But when it comes, it’s mind-numbing.  I know that’s probably incredibly insulting to other stay-at-home moms and an affront to working moms who would like a chance to slow down….but sorry, it’s just the truth for me right now in this season of motherhood.

This sounds silly, but I spend a lot of time thinking, “What is it that makes other moms so dang busy?”  I mean, obviously, if you have more than one child, things get busier.  And it depends on the child’s age.  Evelyne is 19 months now.  Sometimes she’s really clingy and whiney, but I would say in general she plays really well by herself and can be entertained for long periods of time in her own imagination.  Of course I interact with her and read her books and sing songs and act silly, but she doesn’t really need me sitting on the floor trying to play with her.  She doesn’t seem to care, and I certainly don’t have a desire to spend any length of time playing baby dolls.  (not to mention she’s so young that she doesn’t do anything with them other than carry them around and pretend to give them a bottle)  So what do I do?

Don’t get me wrong, I would say that I’m a pretty attentive mother in that when she needs me, I’m there.  If she wants me to pick her up, I pick her up.  If she wants me to rock her baby, I rock her baby.  If she wants me to read a book, I read a book.  There’s just a lot of the time that she doesn’t really care what I do, as long as I’m in the same room with her.  Soooo, other than cooking meals, keeping her entertained, putting her to sleep, cleaning, etc… What am I supposed to be doing?  (of course there could always be more cleaning thrown in there, but honestly how much more time is that going to take-up, and that doesn’t really solve my problem since I hate cleaning.)

Obviously, I blog and read and do other things online.  I read books.  I watch tv.  I meet-up with friends, although not as much as I would like, and that’s about to drastically change in about a week when I move and don’t even have friends anymore.  I try to take her to the sprinkler park about once a week or so since I refuse to go to the regular park in this heat….well, I just hate getting out in it at all, so walks outside and random little outdoors jaunts are OUT until we move to a cooler climate.  I feel like I’m engaging my brain in worthwhile endeavors, I’m being challenged mentally and spiritually by what I’m reading and my relationships, and I’m growing.  In a lot of ways I feel blessed that I’m afforded so much time to study and read anything I want to, part of that is heaven for me.  And most days I’m great with it.  But then come the times when I have a long afternoon stretched ahead of me, the tv is giving me a headache, Evelyne’s playing quietly by herself, it’s 100 degrees outside, I’m bored with reading anything on the Internet, I don’t have a book to read…. what am I missing here?  Am I supposed to just sit on the couch and watch her play?

As you can tell, I’m not very self-motivated, and I’m definitely NOT a type A person that is always busy with something and gets stressed-out if everything isn’t perfect.  In fact, I’m completely comfortable amidst chaos.  I’m not one of those people that beebops around looking for things to do and keeps busy by wiping every speck of dust off the floor.  No thank you.

So, if you’re a stay-at-home mom and not a cleaning fanatic and you don’t have a ton of kids, what do you do all day?  And yes, I realize that this is a short season in my life that is about to get crazier once this new baby gets here.  And I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom.  I didn’t have any kind of fulfilling career before having Evelyne, so there’s no part of me that desires to go out and find a job, and I’m completely aware of what a blessing it is to be able to stay home.  Please don’t understand me to be unappreciative.  Every job has it perks and its downfalls, and this is one of mine.  So what am I missing?  Is it like this for everyone or is there some mothering activity that I haven’t caught onto yet?

OK, people, just wanted to point-out a small change in the site.  I did a major update to my blogroll, thanks to being called-out by JR for not having him on it.  I deleted some blogs that I no longer read and added several that I have been enjoying lately.  I also added a new section specifically for my friends’ blogs.  Since I started this one, many of my friends have either started new blogs or I just discovered them, and hardly any have been represented on my blogroll.  So sorry.

SO, if you’re lookin’ for some good reading, I guarantee much can be found in my newly updated blogroll.  And please let me know if I’m totally missing-out on someone great because I’m always on the lookout.

There have been several times in the past week that I’ve sat down to blog about a particular topic, but I just don’t feel like my thoughts are fully together.  I have several things that are swirling around in my head, but either they’re not fully formed or I just don’t have the energy to write about it right now.  But I guess the good part of that is that I feel like I am processing through several things right now, mostly things that I’m learning from reading Jesus for President.  (which is quickly becoming one of the best books I’ve ever read, I might add)

Here are a few of the things I’ve been thinking of and questions I’m asking myself:

*What are the ways that we are so shaped by our culture that we ignore the teachings of Jesus and see them as irrelevant and impractical to certain situations?

*What is the Church’s proper reaction to evil in the world?  If we let ourselves be guided by the teachings of Jesus, how might our involvement look radically different than it does now?

*Given that a Christian soldier is asked every day to choose between his allegiance to his country and Jesus’ commands to love his enemy and not live by the sword, what is the proper stance of the Christian toward military involvement?  (Taking into consideration that the early Church refused any military service whatsoever on the grounds that it necessitated a compromise in allegiance to Christ and required violence.)

*What are the areas in my life that I have not followed the words of Christ to the extent that He meant them because I don’t take them seriously enough and/or I’d rather go by my culture’s teachings?

*What are the ways that we unknowingly instill in our children a gospel of moralism based-on performance and right actions rather than a gospel of grace?  As most of the people I know are undoing in their adulthood the paradigm that was given to them in their childhood, how can I avoid altogether teaching Evelyne to rate her spiritual success according to how obedient or good she is?

*Should Christians watch violent movies?  (more thoughts on that later)

*What are the ways that we are perpetuating injustice, poverty, and violence through our purchasing power at our local stores?  What would it look like to withdraw from participation in an economy of injustice?  (wow, I seriously have no idea at that one!)

I’m trying to come at these questions from a place of looking at what it means to follow Christ within our culture and without assimilating its compromising views and teachings.  I’m trying to break away from what I’ve always been told that a typical American Christian believes on these things…because I’m coming to a place where I find those same answers to not be as Christian as they are American.  So I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, but no offense, I’m not so interested in hearing the expected formatted answers that I’ve always heard.  I’m not interested in just war theory or Old Testament examples on war and child-rearing.  I’m interested in what it means to see the words of Jesus as basis for our life in a new kingdom as a new humanity with our identity as the Church first and foremost.  I’m sure I’ll write about these things in more detail later, but for now, any ideas?

Someone told me a few months back that taking fish oil supplements would be a good idea in order to do everything I can to make it less likely for me to have postpartum depression again with this baby since research shows that they can alleviate depression symptoms.  I started taking them about a month ago, maybe a bit longer.  Since then I have definitely noticed a difference in my mood!  Even in the beginning of my pregnancy I was noticing my hormones starting to go wonky on me again and every so often those same feelings would creep up on me in small amounts.  I noticed the other day that I haven’t really been feeling like that since I started taking these supplements.  I’m sure part of that is due to some leveling of my hormones as I come out of my first trimester, but the changes happened before then, so I’m starting to really think this stuff is working.  I guess we’ll see for sure next January, huh?

In the meantime, I looked-up the other benefits to taking fish oil supplements, and it’s pretty amazing.  I read these outloud to Clay, and he’s going to start taking them with me.  I mean, why not pop a pill and get healthier?

1. Less Pain and Inflammation. Omega 3 fatty acids, particularly EPA, have a very positive effect on your inflammatory response. Through several mechanisms, they regulate your body’s inflammation cycle, which prevents and relieves painful conditions like arthritis, prostatitis, cystitis and anything else ending in “itis.”

2. Cardiovascular Health. Omega 3 fatty acids have also been proven to work wonders for your heart and the miles and miles of arteries and veins that make up your cardiovascular system. They help to lower cholesterol, tryglicerides, LDLs and blood pressure, while at the same time increasing good HDL cholesterol. This adds years to your life expectancy.

3. Protection from Stroke and Heart Attack. When plaque builds up on arterial walls and then breaks loose, it causes what’s known as a thrombosis, which is a fancy way of saying clot. If a clot gets stuck in the brain, it causes a stroke and when it plugs an artery, it causes a heart attack. Research shows omega 3 fatty acids break up clots before they can cause any damage.

4. Better Brain Function and Higher Intelligence. Pregnant and nursing mothers can have a great impact on the intelligence and happiness of their babies by supplementing with fish oil. For adults, omega 3 improves memory, recall, reasoning and focus. You’ll swear you’re getting younger and smarter.

5. Less Depression and Psychosis. Making you smarter is not all omega 3 does for your brain. Psychiatry department researchers at the University of Sheffield, along with many other research studies, found that omega 3 fish oil supplements “alleviate” the symptoms of depression, bipolar and psychosis (Journal of Affective Disorder Vol. 48(2-3);149-55).

6. Lower Incidence of Childhood Disorders. Just to show how fish oil fatty acids leave nobody out, studies show that children (and adults) with ADD and ADHD experience a greatly improved quality of life. And those with dyslexia, dyspraxia and compulsive disorders have gotten a new lease on life thanks to omega 3 oils.

7. Reduction of Breast, Colon and Prostate Cancer. And finally, omega 3 fish oil has been shown to help prevent three of the most common forms of cancer – breast, colon and prostate. Science tells us that omega 3s accomplish this in three ways. They stop the alteration from a normal healthy cell to a cancerous mass, inhibiting unwanted cellular growth and causing apoptosis, or cellular death, of cancer cells.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Fish-Oil-Benefits-Proven-by-Research&id=415032

I heard this song awhile back, but I just watched the video for the first time.  Now only is it a gorgeous and catchy song, I thought the video was fantastic.  There was something about looking into the faces of people from all walks of life and of all colors and nationalities that really struck a chord with me.  I was moved by these people’s faces and the beauty of the Body of Christ—-watch it!

I read a little blurb in a magazine the other day about a church in Texas, Episcopal Church of Our Savior, and how they are making a difference in their community.  This church of 30 people (thirty….THIRTY!) has donated 18,000 pounds of freshly grown produce to area food pantries, the equivalent of 72,000 servings of fruits and vegetables, since 2003.  They do this through a program the church started where people in the community rent garden plots on the church’s 4-acre property for $30 a year.  As they garden for their own food, they agree to give 10 percent of their harvest to charity, and everyone works together to tend six plots whose harvest goes directly to charity.

How absolutely amazing is this?  What a completely brilliant idea.  This is a TINY church making a HUGE difference in their community.  First, and most importantly, they are giving food to the poor.  Quite a bit of it, in fact.  Secondly, they’re being very economical and health conscious by growing their own fresh fruits and vegetables themselves instead of buying a lesser quality at the grocery store.  Third, this is a way that the church can serve the community by renting their land and involving them in the project to give.

This is so smart, but so simple.  Farming land and giving-away a portion of it is what the people of God have been doing for thousands of years, it’s even a part of Old Testament law.  I’ve given some thought to growing a vegetable garden of my own because it’s healthy and cheap, but to do it as a community and corporately give-away a portion of your harvest (not to mention the six plots entirely devoted to charity) is something that I could really picture Jesus being pleased with.  After I read this story, I couldn’t get it out of my head.  Because this is a perfect example of a church using their imagination and resources (little though they may be) to show the love of Jesus to the hurting and hungry. They stepped outside of the box on this one.  They didn’t ask for a canned food drive (which probably wouldn’t produce nearly as much food in a church of 30 people), they didn’t organize servers for the local soup kitchen (still a great thing), they used their own effort and sweat to grow something fresh and good from the ground.  They used God’s resources to feed the people who need Him.  And in doing so, thirty people have fed thousands.

Couldn’t we, with all of our churches who are most likely quite a BIT bigger than 30 people, use our imaginations to come-up with ways to meet needs in our community in a such a simple and needed way?  For all of the big budget megachurch “outreach programs” I’ve come across, I wonder which church has a better reputation in the community for love and generosity?  I’m guessing the one whose squash they’re eating.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/062508dnmetgarden.281dd2d.html

Just a few observations from looking at my stats page:

*The Google search terms used to find this blog are overwhelmingly about saving money at the grocery store even though I’ve only written a couple of posts on that.  I guess a lot of people need to cut-down on their grocery bill!

*Someone came across this blog last week by searching Google for “baby pee.”  (I guess they found this: Lots of Pee-Pee)

*My top post by a landslide is How I Save Money At the Grocery Store.  

*Another top post that has generated a ton of views is Romans 7: A Normal Christian Experience?  However, this has only received two comments.  It’s always a front-runner in the Google search terms, people are looking for it, hundreds read it…. two comments.  I don’t know if that’s good or really really bad.  

*Other posts that I like much better are about 950 page views behind, like this one: Assuming the Worst About Our Kids?  I really put a lot more thought and energy into this one than the one about groceries.

*My most commented posts tend to be ones that I write off the top of my head with little thought, such as this one about The Bachelorette: So Busy With Such Important Things

*The posts that are MY favorite, the ones that I put my heart and soul into writing, don’t usually get much traffic or comments.  Like this one: Jesus-Shaped Spirituality   

What’s the deal, people, should I stick to writing about groceries or what?

I haven’t posted many pictures of Evelyne lately, so here are a few fun ones.  The first two are when she was playing in a box while we were packing a couple of weeks ago.  Surprisingly, when we got the camera out, she started posing and saying “cheeeeese!”  Neither Clay nor I have any idea who taught her that, but it certainly got us some cute pictures!

Her first pink toenails!  They’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I want to put her whole foot in my mouth.

Just drinkin’ a little tea.

Her favorite thing to do at the sprinkler park, drink the water.

Her first powdered donut

Four years ago tonight I married my best friend.  Clay and I had just come off of a two year long-distance dating separation, so we were more than a little anxious to settle down together.  It’s been a great four years. Not incredibly eventful other than having a baby and another on the way, but I guess that’s a good thing.  Surprisingly, marriage was a very easy transition for us.  We never had any of the fights and weird adjustments that most couples have the first year.  For some reason, it all just came very naturally and we felt like we had been doing it forever.  Of course things aren’t quite the picture of perfection now that they were in the beginning, but all in all, I would say that we’re blessed to have one of those relationships where, for the most part, it’s mostly pretty easy.  We get along great, we have fun together, we spend time together, and we are great partners in parenting.  We’re also the perfect roommates.  We have just about the same level of messiness, so rarely does one of us get frustrated at the other for something home-related.   Clay is an amazing dad and an incredible husband.  I honestly don’t know anyone else who would have the never-ending patience to put up with me, but he is very gentle and always ready with a listening ear to a rant or a sob from me.  There have been so many times since we got married that I am amazed that God created someone so perfectly suited for me.  So, Happy Anniversary, Clay, I love you!  

*And he found-out tonight that he passed his physical therapy boards, so he’s an official licensed physical therapist now!  Yay!!!

Laughing at our rehearsal dinner

Well, I’m still trying to figure that out.  But I kinda feel like I’ve already learned so much information from watching TBOBB and my own research that a big shift in my mindset has been made and I’m not sure if I could ever purposefully have the same kind of birth again that I had with Evelyne.  Most of that is based-on medical facts that convince me that it could actually be safer to avoid the medical interventions I had, some of that is based-on my preferences for what I would like it to be like.

Here are a few things that I would like to be different about the birth of my next child (which will be sometime in January, hopefully):

* I don’t want to be hooked to machines that require me to lie down on a bed while I labor and push.

* I’m very interested in trying a waterbirth, or at least using a tub for pain relief and avoidance of perineal tearing.

“Warm water often helps muscles relax. Sometimes referred to the “midwife’s epidural”, the combination of buoyancy and relaxation seems to lower stress and allow the laboring woman’s body to function very efficiently. Babies seem to like it too. The transition from water to water eases the entry for many babies and has a soothing effect on the whole family.”  Puget Sound Midwives and Birth Center

* I want to know when my body is telling me to push and be able to do so the most efficient way possible as the baby is ready.

“With uncoached pushing, bearing down does not occur until uterine contractions are well established and the urge to push is present. There are normally several short bearing down efforts per contraction with breath holding for 5 to 6 seconds.” In contrast, “In coached pushing, the mother is alerted to begin pushing as soon as a contraction is noted, and she is encouraged to push for 10 seconds, take a deep breath, and push again. Coached pushing could potentially increase the amount of pressure on the pelvic floor with subsequent deleterious effects….Coached pushing also involves breath-holding (so-called ‘purple pushing’), which is very tiring and can increase the chances of tearing. Purple pushing can also reduce the oxygen levels in mother and baby at this critical time.” American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology

* I don’t want the birth of my baby to be on anyone’s time schedule except the baby’s.  I refuse a diagnosis of Failure to Progress until I can be presented with medical facts showing me that my baby is in great distress and must come out immediately.

* I want my body to be respected as fully able to accomplish birth the way that God designed it, barring any unexpected complications.  I don’t want a doctor pushing unnecessary medical interventions on me, and I don’t want there to be an underlying assumption that something about my body is faulty and in need of things that are hospital policy rather than what’s really best for my situation.

* I want to freakin’ EAT and DRINK if I feel like it!  If I get a little nauseated and throw-up, well then I throw-up.  It’s happened before, it won’t kill me.  I want to be able to maintain my energy level in a way that makes sense, not with  IV fluids.

* I do NOT want to use Pitocin unless for some reason it’s incredibly necessary.  One huge thing I learned in TBOBB that I forgot to mention in my previous post was about the kind of contractions Pitocin gives.  I knew that they’re stronger and longer and with fewer breaks in between, but I had never thought of what kind of effect that has on the baby.  That means the baby has very little time to recover between contractions, and she’s undergoing some almost-constant major stress.  It also changes your contractions so that the uterus doesn’t function in the same way as it does in a normal contraction, so it’s not as effective in moving the baby down the birth canal.

* I want to be able to hold and nurse my baby immediately after birth.  Of course a medical professional will be present to assess his/her health, but I want that to happen next to me.  I don’t want someone whisking the baby away to the nursery for a bath where I can’t go in, but I can certainly hear her screaming down the hall.  I want there to be a level of respect of the fact that I just pushed this baby out, so I’m going to freaking hold him for as long as I dadgum please, thank you very much.

OK, so what does this mean for me?  Well…. I did a little research, and it turns-out that Washington is a major leader in midwife care in the United States.  And there is another option besides a hospital birth and a homebirth (something I wish TBOBB would’ve addressed): a birthing center.  I found an incredibly reputable and nationally-recognized birthing center (www.birthcenter.com) that is about a mile from our new house in Kirkland, Washington.  Hmmm, what a coincidence….  It’s also about 4 blocks from an outstanding hospital in case any emergency situation arises.  While theoretically I might be able to have some or most of my preferences at a hospital birth, every hospital policy and doctor is different, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to not be bullied into accepting unnecessary treatment that I wouldn’t be able to refuse in the moment.  I also do not trust myself for one second that I would refuse an epidural that would seductively call my name with its whispers of relief and ecstasy.  I would give-in in a heartbeat.

So I’m thinking about meeting with a midwife after we move to discuss the possibility of using her for my prenatal and postnatal care and for the delivery of my baby.  (Oh, and did I mention that a typical fee for EVERYTHING would be around $4000 and insurance should cover it?  That’s about a third of what it would cost to have a non-complicated vaginal birth in a hospital, not including all of the doctor office visits.)  I suggest you check-out the website, read about what they do, look at the pictures of the birthing rooms, read about their quality of care.  Because here’s the thing:  Midwives are medical professionals.  They monitor the baby’s heartrate and they bring a stash of supplies and medicines that might be necessary. They’re not just little old ladies who like babies and act as cheerleaders while you push.  If a complication arises, they’re going to be fully trained to deal with it.  In fact, there’s a great chance that they might be MORE trained to deal with it in a safe and non-medicinal way than a doctor would.  Why?  Because they are very well-acquainted with how a woman’s body naturally labors and how to look for a problem and find a solution.  At this point, I think I would feel more comfortable putting myself in the hands of someone who does birth like this every day than a doctor who sees a few natural births a year and doesn’t have much to offer in terms of non-medicinal support.

At some point when Clay and I were watching TOBB, I turned to him (after watching a beautiful homebirth and crying my eyes out) and tentatively asked him, “Do you think I could ever do something like that?”  That was a VERY scary question for me to even ask myself.  Because I am the biggest BIGGEST weanie when it comes to pain that you have ever met.  I’m not kidding, I can hardly even handle a headache.  And I’m a huge fan of medicine, I would never consider living without Tylenol, and I take it at the slighest hint of any kind of pain.  So the idea of laboring and delivering without pain medication scares the HECK out of me.  I mean, it really really scares me.

But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder if there’s something to be said for experiencing everything, the good and the bad, that comes along with giving birth.  If women have been doing this for thousands of years, there’s a part of me that wants to identify with that.  I’d like to experience my body doing what it was meant to do, despite the pain.  I know that the pain will feel insurmountable… but in what ways would it completely change me to push through that pain, experience it to the fullest, and then overcome it?  Childbirth is not an illness, it’s not a disease to be avoided, and it’s not something that’s scary and dangerous unless there’s a surgical knife nearby (as much as the medical industry would like for us to believe that), it’s a beautiful thing that God designed.  I’m interested to see how it could completely change my view of myself, my body, and my capacities if I were to do this.  I’m still not 100% sure that I’m going to do this, of course it completely depends on how the rest of my pregnancy goes and if there are any complications or risk factors…. but right now I’m thinking that it could be the most physically and spiritually challenging and healthy decision that I could make, despite my terror of the pain.

So, I’ll let y’all know….