Yes, I’m still pregnant. I just never talk about it… and while I do think of it a great deal more than I talk about it, even that isn’t nearly as often as I did with Evelyne, so I’m already feeling the onset of second-child guilt! Clay and I decided to not share the name because I just don’t even want to deal with hearing people’s opinions. You wouldn’t believe how many weird looks and questions I got when I would tell people Evelyne’s name before she was born. It’s like people think they have a free pass to say whatever pops in their head just because it’s not written on the birth certificate yet.
However, perhaps that would be more of a concern this time around if we actually HAD a name. We sat down and talked about it and wrote-out a few options last night, and although we have a handful we’re thinking about, I still don’t feel like we’re much closer to actually deciding on something. And there’s something about boy names, I just don’t get excited about them or think, OH I MUST NAME MY CHILD THAT WONDERFUL NAME!!!!! like I do about girls’. There’s several that I like, and I think, “Oh that’s a nice name,” but then I’m over it and don’t feel much attachment to any of them being the name of my child that I will say and think every day for the rest of my life. So, any suggestions are welcome.
I spent 3 hours putting together Evelyne’s new crib the other night (I can’t even begin to tell you what a maddening experience that was. There was lots of crying and yelling and contorting my very pregnant body in awkward angles on the floor in order to screw-in a screw that just WOULDN’T SCREW!!!), so now that she’s in a real crib and out of the pack-n-play, the baby officially has an open place to sleep. Which isn’t so important right now since he’s not due for another 10 weeks, but still. It helps me mentally to know that IF he were here I wouldn’t have to make him sleep in a drawer or something. (Oh, Evelyne’s crib was recalled a few months ago and we JUST finally got a voucher for a new one and actually bought it the other day… so she’s been sleeping in the pack-n-play for awhile.)
Oh, and we’re not sure that it’s a boy. But I think it is. I had an ultrasound when I was 15 weeks, and it sure looked like a boy to me, but it was pretty early and no one could say anything definitely. And then there was the small matter of us being uninsured for the past five months, so we haven’t gotten another one. (Long story short, we were dropped from our private insurance because of a miscommunication about a payment and our new address during our move and didn’t find out about it until it was way too late… since I’m pregnant, that’s considered a preexisting condition when you don’t have group coverage and absolutely no one would take us. Thank God nothing went wrong and Clay’s new insurance kicked-in today, so we’re finally covered!) But now our new deductible is so high that if we get an ultrasound we’ll have to pay $200 out of pocket for it. We don’t necessarily have an extra $200 to throw around, and we only have a few more weeks anyway, but I’m trying to convince Clay that we should still do it. (Thanks, Laura!) For the health reasons and also because I desperately want to know the sex of the baby for sure since I feel like it’s been harder for me to attach and prepare without knowing who is actually in there. I really feel like it’s a boy, but I don’t want to buy boy things in case it’s a girl. And if it’s a girl, we have everything we need. But either way, I’m left feeling like there’s not much for me to prepare and that’s just depressing. So we are assuming it’s a boy but keeping our options open. I’ll let you know if we get an ultrasound and find-out for sure.
Oh yeah, and the election. I guess it’s tomorrow, huh? Well, it was suggested to me (and I was thinking about doing it) to have a HOT TOPIC question about not voting, but I really don’t feel like going into all of that, and since the abortion post is still getting traffic and there’s only so much personal confrontation I can take at a time, I’m just gonna tack it on the end of this post about my unborn child. I’ve decided that I won’t be voting tomorrow. Well, to be honest, the state of Washington has helped me in that decision since Clay and I haven’t switched our drivers’ licenses and registered to vote yet, and we’re too late to for an absentee ballot in Tennessee. BUT, really that just helped make it easier to go with what I was already thinking. I don’t love either candidate, and while I do think one would probably do a better job than the other, I’ve had an increasing conviction that my allegiance with either would be nothing less than a personal moral compromise. Both in the area of policies I don’t agree with and a level of political engagement that as a Christian I’m just not comfortable with right now. It’s all stuff I’m still processing and learning, and who knows how I’ll feel in four years when the next election rolls around. But for now I’m following my conscience (and the law, I guess, since they wouldn’t let me vote even if I wanted to!) and would rather kindly direct you to the blog of my friend and political mentor (haha!) JR Rozko for a good explanation of where I’m coming from. He just wrote a post on why he’s not voting and included a ton of links toward other Christians who feel the same way. He said it better than I ever could, so please feel free to direct all your comments like, “Good Christians vote!!” and “Dont’ you know it’s irresponsible people like you who are to be blamed when ____ gets elected and it’s the end of the world!!” toward him. (You’re welcome, JR.) I realize I’m coming from an MTV “Rock the vote” generation who might have a hard time understanding this.
So there it is, and I’m so glad this will be over tomorrow. Although I will be surprised if one candidate beats-out the other, I’m really not too concerned that America’s fate rests in the hands of voters tomorrow. I’m pretty sure that neither canddiate will lead us to heaven or to hell. But the Church will keep her mission to preach the Gospel and care for the needy and walk the path of Jesus, and true HOPE and CHANGE will be the result of the kingdom of God in our world.