It’s official: I’m terrified to have this baby

This morning I am anyway.  I kinda bounce back and forth between thinking, “Hey, this won’t be so bad, I can totally handle this” and “OH MY GOSH, DEATH AND DESTRUCTION WILL BEFALL US!”  Usually,  my outlook is almost 100% affected by how Evelyne is acting at that very moment.  On the times that she’s happily playing by herself and being cute, it’s easy for me to think that this new baby thing will be a piece of cake.  BUT.  When I’m cooking dinner and she’s having a tantrum and pulling on my leg and I’m screaming in my head, “SHUT-UP, FOR GOD’S SAKE, SHUT-UP!,” I get a little scared.  Or the times recently when she wakes-up in the middle of the night or early in the morning, that’s when I get really scared.

Evelyne was not a great sleeper as a baby, but now that she’s almost 2, we’ve been spoiled for quite awhile with her sleeping through the night and taking consistent naps.  She’ll almost always go to sleep with no fuss at 8 p.m. and sleep until 7-7:30 a.m.  Lately, though, she’s been waking-up at night, I think maybe because she’s cutting a tooth.  It usually just takes a little rocking or sitting next to her crib for a few minutes to get her back to sleep, but when you’re used to sleeping a solid 7-8 hours at night, it’s not so wonderful to begin to get-up again.  And this morning she woke-up saying, “I want Mommy!  I want Mommy!” at 6:15.  6:15, people!  The nerve.

Now, a year ago I would’ve considered 6:15 to be sleeping-in for her, and I would’ve been thrilled to have a break from the daily 5:30 wake-ups.  But I’m spoiled now.  Every once in awhile she’ll get-up at 6:45, but usually after 7, and both Clay and I were like, “Are you KIDDING ME?!” this morning when we heard her.  Now, realistically, an hour early every once in awhile is probably a pretty great record.  Not that big of a deal.  But I’m so spoiled.  I’m terrified of those mornings where I know I’ll be saying good-bye to Clay in my pajamas, having been awake all night with the baby and starting my day with Evelyne already… wanting to throw myself at his feet and scream, “DON’T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!!!  I WON’T BE ALIVE WHEN YOU GET HOME TONIGHT!!!”

There’s something about being so sleepy that brings-out the selfish in me.  It’s that I’m not looking forward to experiencing again.  This morning as I was rocking Evelyne for 45 minutes (every time I put her down she would wake-up saying, “I want to rock! I want to rock!”, so I figured rocking in the dark for awhile was better than officially getting-up for the day.) I was going over in my head every agonizing night we’ve had with her as a baby when she wouldn’t sleep, all the mornings that I just wanted to cry at the prospect of doing it all again.  That crushing exhaustion of having a newborn and nursing every few hours around the clock and knowing that you won’t sleep for longer than 2 hours anytime in the foreseeable future…  Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that.  At least when Evelyne was a newborn and staying awake all night I could sleep-in the next morning when she had her best times of sleep…. it won’t be like that with this baby since I’ll have to still get-up at 7:00 with Ev!  I know the idea is to get them napping at the same time, but Evelyne only sleeps around an hour and a half in the afternoon, and really, that just doesn’t sound like enough time to get any kind of restorative rest for me to compensate for an all-night marathon.

So, moms of many, is it better or worse than I’m imagining?  Of course, I know the answer to that, it all depends on your kids and their personality.  Any tips besides lots of coffee?

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9 responses to “It’s official: I’m terrified to have this baby

  1. em- you’re tired b/c your pregnant. you’re overwhelmed b/c your pregnant. you will feel differently oncc the new baby comes. i remember those feelings each time- but after about a month of no sleep/no naps with more than one child- you get to a point that you can handle it again. watch out- this is when you start thinking about a #3. it’s do-able. it’s amazing how the Lord will allow your mind to function and get some stuff done while you are juggling more than one child. it’s depending on Him for help that helps the most.

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  2. Hey Emily! Sorry it’s been so long since I caught up on your blog! I know EXACTLY how you feel! Andrew and I both feel so spoiled now that Hannah usually sleeps pretty well for naps and at night. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack thinking about waking up every 3 hours to feed a baby and then what if Hannah wakes up and what if Andrew is gone for the next four days,etc…..! I’ve decided I just have to take it one minute at a time but I definitely find myself trying to enjoy these last minutes with just one child. Wish we lived just down the street from you guys so we could help each other! I realize I really took all those days of apartment living for granted with y’all so close by. Just know that I will be thinking and praying for you in those moments I feel overwhelmed, crazy, or just happy. We miss you guys!

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  3. Emily~I must be honest and say that adjusting to two has been very tough for me. The first month went really well b/c Aubrey seemed to sleep non-stop and we, of course, were in Memphis with family to help out. These past few months have been tough…not so much b/c of Aubrey (taking care of baby #2 is definitely easier than the first time around), but I think b/c I’m trying to adjust not being close to family and friends. All that to say, when I see my two little girls next to each other or think that I have two little ones, I still get tears in my eyes (just today I did as I was putting them down for naps). I definitely haven’t learned how to make parenting two an easy job, but that’s okay…I guess it’s not suppose to be. And, Savannah has done great with her….while she has her moments of jealously, for the most part she’s learned to be much more independent while I take care of Aubrey. I would say the biggest challenge for me is the non-stop-ness of taking care of two. You get one fed and the other needs feeding. You get one diaper changed and the other one’s diaper is dirty. Etc. Etc. Again, just being honest….it’s tough, but of course they are worth it a million times over.

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  4. Honestly…I was a single Mother for a few years. When my 2nd was born my 1st was just over 2. It stunk…I was tired all the time…in fact I looked forward to my lunch hour at work because I would just lay on the couch in our break room. Funny thing is now they are 6 and 8 and I would do it all over if I had too…it will go by quickly. 🙂

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  5. Anything besides coffee? Um…Lots of prayer. Especially if you have a “Presley or Luke”. If that happens I will add a few prayers of my own for you! 🙂

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  6. I can totally relate! I was excited and terrified before Nash was born. I won’t lie; it’s been really hard. Nash is much higher maintenance than Shea was. The longest stretch of sleep that I’ve gotten in six months is about five hours, but even that long is rare. I normally average about three hours at a time. It’s hard, but I’ve adjusted. I’m learning that I can do a lot more that I thought I could, and I have to keep reminding myself that this is only for a season. Six months has gone by really fast. Someday, I’ll get to sleep again. 🙂 I drink lots of coffee and am letting a lot of things go that I wouldn’t let go before.

    I don’t think the terror completely ends once the baby arrives. I generally do okay when Jon’s there to help. Last night, however, he was sick. I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work b/c we were out of almost everything. After feeding, nursing, bathing, and getting the kids ready for and into bed, I finally got to eat my dinner at 9:30pm. I still had chores that kept me up until 11pm. Nash was up at 1am and 4am to eat. I was up by 6am to get ready for work. Jon is going out of town M-F next week. I’m terrified.

    I probably didn’t help out at all. Maybe it helps that despite all this craziness, I’m surviving and generally pretty happy. I also have lots of good stories to tell, and I laugh a lot. Watching Shea and Nash interact is priceless and just melts my heart. It makes it all worth it. 🙂

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  7. I have 2 kids 14 months apart and while it was hard i loved it and hope to do it again. My saving grace was my husband. The minute he got home and weekends. He took my older kid and i would sleep when the baby slept. I made them go for walks and get out, he really had to step up but he loved it. It only lasts so long, just go a day at a time. GL!
    -h

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  8. i just found out that i am pregnant with baby #2 this means that #1 and #2 will be pretty much exactly 2 years apart to the date. A part of me is excited a part of me is terrified. A part of me wanted this baby and a part of me said no. I am worried about the time i will miss with the first child. I hope that i dont look back and think that I should have waited.

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  9. Pingback: Let's be honest here...

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