This morning I am anyway. I kinda bounce back and forth between thinking, “Hey, this won’t be so bad, I can totally handle this” and “OH MY GOSH, DEATH AND DESTRUCTION WILL BEFALL US!” Usually, my outlook is almost 100% affected by how Evelyne is acting at that very moment. On the times that she’s happily playing by herself and being cute, it’s easy for me to think that this new baby thing will be a piece of cake. BUT. When I’m cooking dinner and she’s having a tantrum and pulling on my leg and I’m screaming in my head, “SHUT-UP, FOR GOD’S SAKE, SHUT-UP!,” I get a little scared. Or the times recently when she wakes-up in the middle of the night or early in the morning, that’s when I get really scared.
Evelyne was not a great sleeper as a baby, but now that she’s almost 2, we’ve been spoiled for quite awhile with her sleeping through the night and taking consistent naps. She’ll almost always go to sleep with no fuss at 8 p.m. and sleep until 7-7:30 a.m. Lately, though, she’s been waking-up at night, I think maybe because she’s cutting a tooth. It usually just takes a little rocking or sitting next to her crib for a few minutes to get her back to sleep, but when you’re used to sleeping a solid 7-8 hours at night, it’s not so wonderful to begin to get-up again. And this morning she woke-up saying, “I want Mommy! I want Mommy!” at 6:15. 6:15, people! The nerve.
Now, a year ago I would’ve considered 6:15 to be sleeping-in for her, and I would’ve been thrilled to have a break from the daily 5:30 wake-ups. But I’m spoiled now. Every once in awhile she’ll get-up at 6:45, but usually after 7, and both Clay and I were like, “Are you KIDDING ME?!” this morning when we heard her. Now, realistically, an hour early every once in awhile is probably a pretty great record. Not that big of a deal. But I’m so spoiled. I’m terrified of those mornings where I know I’ll be saying good-bye to Clay in my pajamas, having been awake all night with the baby and starting my day with Evelyne already… wanting to throw myself at his feet and scream, “DON’T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!!! I WON’T BE ALIVE WHEN YOU GET HOME TONIGHT!!!”
There’s something about being so sleepy that brings-out the selfish in me. It’s that I’m not looking forward to experiencing again. This morning as I was rocking Evelyne for 45 minutes (every time I put her down she would wake-up saying, “I want to rock! I want to rock!”, so I figured rocking in the dark for awhile was better than officially getting-up for the day.) I was going over in my head every agonizing night we’ve had with her as a baby when she wouldn’t sleep, all the mornings that I just wanted to cry at the prospect of doing it all again. That crushing exhaustion of having a newborn and nursing every few hours around the clock and knowing that you won’t sleep for longer than 2 hours anytime in the foreseeable future… Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that. At least when Evelyne was a newborn and staying awake all night I could sleep-in the next morning when she had her best times of sleep…. it won’t be like that with this baby since I’ll have to still get-up at 7:00 with Ev! I know the idea is to get them napping at the same time, but Evelyne only sleeps around an hour and a half in the afternoon, and really, that just doesn’t sound like enough time to get any kind of restorative rest for me to compensate for an all-night marathon.
So, moms of many, is it better or worse than I’m imagining? Of course, I know the answer to that, it all depends on your kids and their personality. Any tips besides lots of coffee?