I’m so tired and it’s all my fault

I feel like I’m always tired these days.  Of course, I am pregnant, so that does have something to do with it, but I’m in my second trimester now, so it’s not l’m in the early weeks.  I’m tired because I am foolish and undisciplined and ridiculous when it comes to going to bed at a decent time at night!!!!  Lately Evelyne has been waking-up around 7 or so (which is way late compared to the early hours she used to keep), so it’s not too hard to get a pretty good chunk of sleep when I don’t wake-up before 7 on most mornings.  However, I can’t seem to make myself turn-out the lights!

I start moaning to Clay around 9:30 about how tired I am, but inevitably at 11:15 I’m still reading or talking and he’s telling me “Turn the lights out!!!!!”  I love sleep, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve hated going to bed at night.  I think it’s because I’m afraid I’ll miss something.  I remember being about four years old and lying awake at night unable to go to sleep and hearing the tv that my parents were watching from the other room and thinking to myself that there was something incredibly fun and exciting happening outside of my dark bedroom.  Even now, when my eyes are heavy and I’m yawning and miserably exhausted, I still have to read one more page because I don’t want to miss anything.  (like it won’t be there in the morning!)

So, I’ve been getting around 7-7.5 hours of sleep.  Which is actually pretty decent for most people, maybe it’s because I’m pregnant that it’s just totally not enough.  When I wake-up in the morning I feel like crap, and an hour later I’m half-asleep on the couch.  It takes me about four hours to completely wake-up, and I’ve taken a nap during Evelyne’s naptime almost every day for the past three months.  I feel so awful that I tell myself and Clay, “Tonight I’m going to bed EARLY!!!  Early, I say!!!  Don’t try to talk me into staying up!  Nothing could interest me past 10 p.m.!!!”  And then come 11:30 I’m kicking myself and doing it all over again.

What’s the deal, am I the only one in this?  Even right now, it’s 9:45, I’m yawning and tired, but I’m about to have a cup of decaf and I know I’ll probably be awake for at least another hour or two.

I need sleep therapy.

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7 responses to “I’m so tired and it’s all my fault

  1. Well, it sounds to me like you are saying one thing and doing something else. Start by not saying “I am going to go to be early” and then not doing it! It’s an integrity thing, integrity to yourself. Either say it and do it, or don’t say it and don’t do it, and don’t stress about it. You also might be so tired because you are doing battle with yourself! Stay up, or go to bed, but there’s *no use* in berating yourself – it gets you absolutely nowhere!
    By the way, I just found your blog and I’m enjoying it! 🙂

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  2. hmm…I did the same thing while pregnant with Aubrey. I’d look at the clock and it would be midnight and as tired as I was, I didn’t want to go to bed. But, that has all quickly changed now that she’s here. If only she would abide by my 9:00 bedtime : ).

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  3. oh, i am guilty, guilty, guilty of this! leland loves nothing more than going to bed at a ridiculously early hour. me? i am always finding things that keep me up until at least 11-12. reading is definitely the culprit! for me, that late night time is when i can relax the most, and i don’t want it to end! considering i still get up with charlotte at night, i usually end up totally wiped out in the morning. no advice here. just commiseration. 🙂

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  4. I feel ya girl! I have the same problem and I don’t even have kids yet!

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  5. elizabeth cameron

    i’m right there with you. john is usually asleep in sarah ann’s bed or falling asleep on the couch and i’m reading, watching tv, playing on the computer…anything to stay awake. like courtney, night time is my relaxing time and i want to take advantage of it to the fullest! i know i should go to bed earlier, but i just haven’t been able to make myself do it.

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  6. I am actually commenting about your being bored with motherhood occasionally. It’s pretty normal in my book. And this is coming from someone opposite you. I am most definitely a type A person. I am always ambitious about something, even if it’s the best way to organize the kitchen drawers. I am not that way out of any other desire other than it makes me happy. And I try to be real. And being real means that sometimes the daily life of a mom is kind of dull. So it’s excellent for you to be honest enough to say so. And I’m thinking you are honest enough to say so because you are confident in the amazing job you are giving your daughter and you don’t need to say the right things for anyone’s benefit. Thanks for your comment on my BabyCenter blog also. I am actually a lot like you in the style department myself. Thrift stores all the way for me? Prada purses? Never! Take it easy.

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  7. I do the tv thing but then turn it off and read a magazine. It cant be a book or anything i actually care about, just useless words to make me tired and eventually off to dream land. I dont know how i ever graduated college, lol!
    -h

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