Counting the days….

Until we move out of our THIRD-freaking-FLOOR apartment!  Sigh.  

We’ve lived here for four years.  It’s been a great four years, we’ve loved almost everything about it.  Except for the hike it takes to get from the car up to our place.  It wasn’t any big deal before we had Evelyne, they were just a few stairs. Then when I was pregnant, it got a little more difficult.  I would be totally out of breath by the time I unlocked our door, but again, I just counted it as a little needed exercise.  

Then we had Evelyne.  Now for those of you who don’t have kids, let me tell you that you spend most of the first year hauling them around in carseats since they easily go from house to car and back.  Our carseat weighs around maybe 10 pounds without a child in it, give or take a few.  Then you put a baby in it and it gets heavy real fast.  Now imagine carrying that, along with a big diaper bag, awkwardly down two flights of stairs.  (oh yeah, and then squeezing it in the backseat of a two-door car.)  When Ev was about 9 months old she started getting heavy enough that it was stupid to carry the carseat up and down the stairs, the convenience was gone, so we just got her out and carried her.  Again, for awhile it wasn’t a big deal because she’s a pretty light kid.  Until recently.

Now she weighs 20-something pounds.  I’m not sure how many, but I would guess 22-23 or so.  (which is still pretty small for her age!)  And now that I’m pregnant and get tired even more quickly, this is about to push me over the edge.  Usually it’s not THAT horrible until it gets to grocery day.  Heavens to betsy.  

I try to get everything out of my trunk that has to go in the freezer/fridge immediately and leave the rest for Clay when he gets home from work.  Still, that usually ends-up being two gallons of milk and several more bags, plus a diaper bag, plus Evelyne.  Up to the third floor.  I almost die every time.  (Oh, and I’m totally leaving-out the part where I crawl in the backseat of my two-door car to get her out of her carseat and awkwardly squeeze both of us out…oh, and the heat.  But that’s another story for another day…)  Then we get upstairs and she gets mad because she doesn’t want to go inside since she loves “going bye-bye,” and I wrestle her and the groceries in the door before I collapse on the floor.  No, wait… collapsing is what I wanted to do, making her lunch while she pitched a fit on the kitchen floor was what actually happened.  Yeah. That’s right.  Sigh.  

Lately

So, things have been good lately, not too much going-on.  Clay was off all last week, so we got lots of fun time as a family together.  We took walks, we went grocery shopping together, we went out to breakfast, and we saw two movies.  It was great!  Probably the best part is that he was around to help me with Evelyne now that the debilitating tiredness that comes with pregnancy has totally hit me.  I don’t remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Ev, but nowadays about an hour or two after I wake-up in the morning, I’m about to fall over because I’m so tired and ready for a nap!  There were definitely a couple of days last week when I took two naps a day!  Whenever Clay’s home, we take turns getting-up with Evelyne and letting the other one sleep-in, so it’s been wonderful getting extra sleep! 

Here are some high points of the week:

*We saw Prince Caspian!  I loved it.  I haven’t read the book, so I didn’t know what to expect, but I really liked it and thought it was better than the first movie.

*We saw Indiana Jones!  OK, first I have to say that the Indiana Jones movies are so closely tied to memories of my childhood that I they’d have to really screw this one up for me not to enjoy it.  I definitely went-in with realistic expectations, and I thought it was a fun movie.  Definitely very unrealistic, several cheesey moments, not the best Indy movie, but for what it was, I liked it.  Something about seeing Harrison Ford’s little side-grin while wearing the brown fedora made me feel like I was 9 again, I loved it!  

*Clay, Evelyne, and I ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel one morning which is something way out of the ordinary for us.  We don’t eat-out much in general, much less breakfast, and even when we do we try to avoid taking Evelyne since it’s just not as much fun trying to keep her happy.  But even though she wasn’t all about sitting still and we had to take turns walking her around the gift shop, it was fun to have a family breakfast with just the three of us at one of my favorite places. 

*We saw a Redbird’s game (Memphis’ minor league baseball team) with lots of friends and family on Saturday night.  We sat on the grassy bluff, Evelyne played with all the kids and had a ball.  The weather was awesome, Evelyne was in a great mood, and it was a pretty perfect night. 

*We Netflixed an awesome movie called Into the Wild.  It’s about a guy who, immediately after graduating college, rejects society and goes to live in the wilderness.  He tramps around the U.S. making random friends and eventually heads into the Alaska wilderness to live by himself.  It’s based-on a true story, and he was inspired by writers like Walden and Frost, so there’s a poetic narraration of his journey.  It was a great movie, and Clay’s totally inspired to be a wilderness man, he’s already researching how to built fires!

*We had a great dinner last night with my family and Clay’s family to celebrate Clay’s graduation.  (He graduates this Friday from physical therapy school.)  It was so fun to have both of our families together and watch Evelyne enjoy both of her cousins.  Clay was given a joint present by both families—a new computer!  We are finally joining the sleek and sophisticated world of Apple, much to our families’ joy.  Our laptop is on its last breath, it’ll probably die any day now, so we’re SO excited about getting a new one!  Our parents mainly wanted to do it so we could use iChat when we move to Seattle and they can see Evelyne, so they said it’s partly a selfish gift—we’ll take it! 

Clay has to go to class today, tomorrow, and Thursday, and then after that he’s DONE!!!!  He studies for boards, takes those sometime in June, we move, and he starts work July 22nd.  Other than studying, he’ll be home for about a month and a half, and I’m SO EXCITED!!!!! 

 

 

I’m a Christian woman who thinks. Anyone else with me?

I’ve thought a lot lately about gender roles and what it means to be a woman in the Church.  This is a HUGE topic that I’m not really willing to write about in any great detail because it still feels rather overwhelming to me.  However, I was talking to Clay about something the other night that has bothered me for years.  It seems that it is a common thing in the church for people to make assumptions about the intellectual and theological depth of women that generally has nothing to do with individual abilities. 

I think I’m definitely more aware of this as a female with a seminary degree since my kind is a minority.  My feelings on this subject have also changed in the past couple of years, and as I look around I notice other people thinking the same things I used to think… and I see it a bit differently.  What I notice is that there tends to be an underlying prejudice against women in areas of intelligence and theological depth.  Men are considered to be deep and wise pillars of theological truth.  Women, on the other hand, well they generally like to be emotional and relational and more into the touchy-feely side of faith.  Which is fine, as long as their husbands keep them informed on the deep stuff. 

These fictitious stereotypes are more a crossover of cultural prejudices against women than biblical exegesis.  No distinction is made in the Bible concerning which sex receives certain spiritual gifts or intellectual capabilities.  Being a thinker doesn’t make a woman more masculine, and being relational doesn’t make a man more feminine.  Both attributes could be used to describe Jesus, in whose image we are all being formed.  So I’m a little pained when I find myself thrown into a category of stereotyped femininity that bears no resemblance to who I am and what my gifts are. 

I’ve noticed that men and women alike have a tendency to automatically assume that a man is more trustworthy and intelligent about certain matters… who would you rather teach you about the nature of the Trinity…The Gospel of Matthew…Old Testament prophecy?  A man or a woman?  Forget for a moment about any convictions you have regarding whether it is a woman’s role to publicly teach in church.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  A concept of roles should refer to position, not ability.  Do you really believe that a woman can have the same level of understanding and knowledge, the same wisdom, and the same ability to convey the the Gospel as a man?  When I asked myself this question I was shocked to learn that subconsciously over the years I had come to trust in males more than females.  Females are thought of as flighty and emotional, subject to their whims (after all, isn’t that why everyone says we shouldn’t have a women president? She’d be too emotional to do her job?).  Sure this might describe a woman here or there, an anecdote that we’ve heard.  But where is our justification for not seeing women as intellectual equals with men…particularly in areas of the church?

Everyone is different.  Some are more naturally “thinkers,” and some are “feelers.”  These refer to our personality traits, not abilities.  Women who naturally interpret their world through their senses and emotions have no fewer capacities for knowledge than a man who often finds himself pondering the deep questions of the universe.  I have a strong suspicion that too many women have never been challenged to really think deeply, to study theology, to be challenged in asking tough questions about God.  They’ve stuck with their label of “feelers,” (whether or not that’s a true personality distinction) and assumed that the men, the “thinkers,” will handle the rest.  In no way do I think that being a thinker is more valuable than a feeler… I’m still not even sure which one I am.  But I’m bothered that the church assumes women are not interested or capable, and women are never pressed to go deeper. 

Girls, we’re emotional, we cry, we raise kids, and we do the laundry.  But we also have the same intellectual capacity as a man.  I think we readily admit this when it comes to matters of career and academics.  But in spiritual and theological areas, there is still a tendency to think that men have a corner on the market.  Let’s challenge ourselves, let’s create a bigger imagination of our capacities, and let’s remember that we are created in the image of a God who made all of His children equal. 

*For a thorough theology on what it means to be feminine and created in the image of God as a woman, I highly reccomend checking-out Jonalyn Fincher’s Ruby Slippers: How the Soul of a Woman Brings Her Home. 

American Idol—it’s over, thank God!

Well, congratulations, David Cook.  I was rootin’ for ya. 

I just feel really over all this, although I am happy that he won.  Other than the fact that it would’ve been kinda nice for him to be signed by someone other than the AI machine who will probably restrict his creativity.  Oh well.  Maybe this will leave David A. free to pursue singing at Disney World or something. 

It was a great show, though.  I have to admit I kinda gasped, “Bryan Adams!!!!!” like a 13 year-old girl when they announced his name!

What was up with Amanda Overmeyer looking wretchedly uncomfortable the entire time and not even cracking a smile? 

And I guess that was David C.’s mom that magically appeared on his shoulder at the end after he won?  Her head just popped-up and it was kinda weird. 

Yay. Whoo-hoo.  Hip-hip-hurray!

Goodnight.

I guess Jesus must not love autistic kids.

I saw a story this morning on Good Morning, America and it really made me sad.  here is the full story.  Basically, a Catholic church has issued a restraining order against an autistic young man and is making it against the law for him to attend.  The church is citing a potential danger to others by his attendance since apparently he is rather large and unruly.  The family has been attending the church for years and takes great care to keep him under control.  They also claim that he is of no threat to other people.

It sounds like a really tough situation.  He is loud and disruptive during the service, though the family sits in the back or the cry room.  People are nervous around him because he’s unpredictable.  But what is the Church if it’s not a place for the sick and rejected?  Apparently the church has taken several steps to try to find a different solution, but even if those don’t work, should they really be taking legal measures against someone who has a medical disability and is being consistently taken care of by his family during services?  Is this what Jesus modeled and taught His followers? 

The boy’s mother was interviewed on tv this morning, and she was saying how her son needs the church and to be taught about God and it is really hard on the family to be rejected from the one place that should welcome them with open arms.  It makes me think of all of the sick and demon possessed people that Jesus embraced, no matter their behavior or rejection from society. 

Obviously I can’t know all the ins and outs of the situation, but it makes me really uncomfortable to hear that a church is turning to the law to keep someone who can’t help his behavior out of the best place for him to be.  I just can’t see how that is in any way following in the footsteps of Christ and being ministers of reconciliation in a broken world. 

What do you think?

 

My first psycho-pregnant-woman moment

It happened, and I’m officially crazy and hormonal. 

Saturday morning I started feeling slightly nauseated.  We had to go somewhere, so I told Clay I should drive because I’ll just get sick again if he drives. (he’s not a fan of gentle braking and accelerating)  So we’re driving, I’m feeling great, and he makes some joke that I find hilarious.  I start laughing really, really hard.  When I laugh hard, I have a tendency to cry a little…just a little eye-watering, nothing major.  So started tearing-up a bit.  Then, next thing I know, I seamlessly transitioned from laughing into sobbing.   Without realizing how or why, there I am driving down the road crying my eyes out and not being a very safe driver.  Clay started getting really worried about my driving and made me pull-over so I could get ahold of myself!

This happened several times when I was pregnant with Ev, one minute I’d be laughing hysterically, the next I’d be crying hysterically.  Nothing was wrong, I wasn’t upset about anything, nothing was bothering me…it was just crazy hormones that made me cry hard for about 10 minutes!  It’s the weirdest thing to sob your eyes out when you can’t think of a thing that’s bothering you. 

We have a heartbeat!

So I went to the doctor today, got a six-week ultrasound, and saw the heartbeat!  My little bean is .6 centimeters with a heartrate of 113.  SO tiny!  My appointment was for this morning at 10, so Clay, Evelyne, and I show-up all excited just to learn that apparently I made the appointment at the wrong office location and my doctor was halfway across town.  Thankfully, they were able to work us in two hours later, so we got some Chick-fil-A, dropped Ev off at home where my grandmother was going to watch her, and Clay and I headed back to the doctor. 

It was kinda weird to be back there, honestly.  Good weird, just weird.  Like, didn’t I just do this?  I love my doctor, she’s so sweet and really takes time with me and always asks me a million times if I have any more questions, and I always just smile and shrug and say, “I don’t think so…?!”  The ultrasound technician was apparently in a big hurry because we were in and out of there in about five minutes, but we saw what we needed.  At one point I thought she said, “There’s not a baby in there,” so I said, “Did you just say there’s not a baby in there?”  She looked at me, raised her voice about a million decibels and said, “NO, I SAID THERE’S WHAT YOU HAVE OF A BABY IN THERE!!!!!!!!!”  I was all, geez, don’t yell at me, I just thought you said my womb was empty, I wasn’t giving a personal insult!  Clay thought it was weird, too. 

Anyway, so I’m six weeks and three days along, my official due date is January 9th.  (I was kinda hoping for the 10th since I like the number 10 a lot more than I like the number 9, but oh well.)  I’ve had a bit more of an uneasy stomach the past couple of mornings…nothing major, just a tad bit of yuck.  And I’m still waking every hour during the night to throw-off the covers and fan my sweaty body with them.  Other than that, I’m good so far!

Who is this sweet child and where is my daughter?

So Clay and I were talking the other night.  We had taken Evelyne outside to run around on the tennis courts just behind our apartment, and were watching her wander around doing her “I’m trying to run but my legs are too short and I’m not quite coordinated enough yet so I’ll just walk fast” thing.  I told him that I’ve really noticed in the past few months that she’s totally turned into such a sweetheart.  Not that she wasn’t a sweetheart before…. but it seems like her temperament has changed.  Or at least the way she expresses it.

Evelyne wasn’t really an easy baby.  She was colicky, and not necessarily the kind that screams all the time (thank GOD), but the kind where you have to be constantly doing something to prevent her from crying or fussing.  So you’re always jiggling and bouncing and nursing because she didn’t know how to sit in one place that wasn’t in my arms and be content for more than five seconds.  And often she didn’t know how to be content in my arms while I was sitting still… I had to be standing-up and rocking or bouncing.  There wasn’t much relaxed lounging on her part.  And she never slept.  

But even when she wasn’t such a newborn anymore, she was still draining.  She got major separation anxiety at about six months and cried if I left the room.  Even if she could see me in the other room, it was distressing that I wasn’t next to her.  So I schlepped her from room to room, even when I had to pee.  I remember spending afternoons with her sitting in between my legs playing because she couldn’t be next to me…she had to be touching me.  And when she learned to stand-up when I was holding her and bang-on her little piano… I would spend HOURS holding her in an upright position because that’s the only thing that kept her happy.  She wasn’t an unhappy baby…. just always on the verge of it if we made one wrong move. 

So we were watching Ev run around on the tennis court, amusing herself with nothing but her freedom, and it struck me that she is probably a pretty easy toddler so far.  At 17 months, her colic is a thing of the past.  She knows how to stand by herself, and while she still sometimes gets uncomfortable if I leave her in a weird situation, she just follows me from room to room instead of me having to drag her everywhere I go.  She’ll play for hours by herself (always with me sitting near) and be amused by the most boring inantimate object.  (blocks and links are still her favorite!)  She hasn’t really gotten into the tantrum stage yet… she’s just recently started screaming when she doesn’t get something she wants, but it never lasts more than about 10 seconds and then she’s easily distracted and over it.  She has a great sense of humor!  It’s strange to me that she’s not even one and a half yet and she already is so fun to be around.  She makes me laugh all the time, and she’s very quick to laugh when I do something silly to her.  I mean, I really have fun hanging out with her, we’re kinda starting to be buddies, the girl is hilarious!  She’ll still have off days, and she still doesn’t sleep as long as I wish she did (although most of the time she does great), but overall, there’s nothing that is really hard about her personality right now.

Maybe we’re in a golden period and she’ll snap out of it in a couple of months.  I have heard that 18 months is a pivotal age for that.  Maybe we’re finally just getting a break after being so stressed throughout her infancy.  Clay and I agreed that part of us still thinks of her now in the same way we thought of her then: that she’s difficult, demanding, touchy, hard to please….  And then we sat back and realized that those words don’t characterize her at all anymore!  She’s fun, she’s hilarious, she’s sweet, and she’s generally pretty easygoing.  So for now we’re really enjoying this stage of her life.  I loved baby Evelyne, but I’m really loving toddler Evelyne even more! 

Barak Obama showing his smarts

I assume I’m pregnant.

So the Sunday before last I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  And I haven’t had any sort of period.  And I took another test a couple of days ago and it was still positive with the line slightly darker.  I had some cramps last week, and I’ve been an emotional basketcase.  These things tell me that I must be pregnant.  However, I’ve had no other symptoms of which to speak. 

With Evelyne I never really got morning sickness, although I did have some stomach uneasiness and intense hunger.  So it wouldn’t surprise me if I didn’t get sick again with this pregnancy.  (I know, I know, don’t hate me!  I think God just knows that I’m not strong enough to handle it.  Anytime I’m slightly nauseated, it renders me completely incapacitated and I can’t do anything but lie on the floor and moan.)  But it is a little disconcerting to not have any symptoms, nothing to make me really feel pregnant.  Always makes me wonder if something’s wrong.  I’m just under six weeks, so I know it’s still super early and anything can happen.  I did have a bit of an uneasy stomach this morning for the first time, so maybe it’s starting? 

I have my first doctor’s appointment next Monday morning where I’ll probably get an ultrasound.  Once I see a little heartbeat, I’ll be thankful for a lack of symptoms and enjoy it while it lasts!

Anyone else have NO symptoms by this point?